Stuff that I Hate
by Therese Lyke
Summary: Yami Bakura makes a video about the stuff he hates and posted it for everyone to see. Why? It's because Ryou said so.
1. Minecraft, Birds and Pharaohs

**Author's Note: **Just to make things clear, everything that I written here should not be taken seriously. This is for pure entertainment. Please don't get offended.^-^If you got offended then blame Bakura not me DX

Okay! This was inspired by Elizabeth Gillies aka Jade West from the nickelodeon show "Victorious". I was listening to some music via Youtube when I saw the video she made for the . So I said "HEY! This would be a good one-shot for Bakura. I never wrote a story about Bakura yet!" plus I see Bakura in Jade and I don't know why...

Let's just say I made this for the sake of getting back to my humorous mood to get HM:YGOV going again. So yeah!

On with the fic!

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Bakura turned on the camera with the small black remote that looks more like those things they used to turn on the alarm of cars. You know the ones that dangle on the keychain together with the car keys? He sat on his bed that was covered with a black bed sheet and a black blanket. A leg tucked under him, his hands holding it in place; the other dangling of the edge of his bed. His hair tied in a low ponytail.

He looked directly into the camera, a bored expression on his face. "Hello bastard people of the internet," he said in his usual cold tone. "So, maybe you're wondering why the great king of thieves is making a video journal." He paused, an eyebrow raised at his invisible audience. "Well I am not! Journals are for sissies like the bastard Pharaoh."

"This video is a list of things I hate!" Bakura explained with a small smirk gracing his lips. "There are tons of them that the memory of my camera won't be enough."

"Anyway, the reason why I'm making this." He ran a hand through his white locks. "You see, my hikari- a.k.a. Mr. Whiney Limey Man- who by the way is my boyfriend, said I should find an outlet for my hatred and bitter attitude." The former thief cursed under his breath before continuing, "So I did, and found this Goth girl making a video similar to what I am doing now. So I said: 'Hey! Why won't I do a video listing the things I hate as well? In that way, I can take out my anger without killing but making other people miserable in the process!' And thus, this was born." He waved his hand in front of him like he as presenting something that was supposed to be visible in everyone's eyes.

"Shall we start then?" He questioned like he was expecting an answer.

"Okay," A thoughtful look over took the bored expression that he wore on the start of the video. Bakura snapped his fingers and averted his gaze back on the camera in front of him. "I hate Minecraft."

"I don't get the game at all! I mean, I don't see the point of building a stupid house made from stupid boxes!" He shouted and his frustration was sipping in every word he said. "So, hikari, if you're watching this then yeah, I hate that stupid game you love and I don't care if you hate me for uninstalling the stupid program! Bloody minecraft." He pouted, clearly upset about something but let's save that for another time. "I mean, what does survival have to do with mining?"

Bakura pretended that he was holding something in his hands then swinging it down like he was hitting something. "Look! I'm about to die! The logical thing to do is destroy this rock in front of me while zombies eat my brains." His voice dripped with sarcasm and it sounded more like Ryou's. "You can't even send people to the shadow realm with it! Again I say, BLOODY. MINECRAFT!"

"I hate people who cosplay minecraft." The white haired teen said, tucking his other leg under him. So now he was sitting like an Indian, his elbows resting on his lap. "Reality check: it looks like a bad Spongebob cosplay. So stop it! Nobody even cosplays Spongebob!"

"There was once a time when I and Marik went to this convention," he leaned back and shifted his gaze from the camera. "There was this person who was running around dressed as one of those 'avatars' in minecraft and I set that person on fire.'' Bakura laughed at the memory of the poor cosplayer. "You know what the bonus to that was? It turns out that the cosplayer was no other than the blonde mutt himself" his laughter increased tenfold that he fell to his side from his sitting position to a laying position; his arms clutching his sides while he tried his hardest to stop. Once he had his laughter ceased, he got back up on a sitting position and added, "Ryou might have kicked me out of our room for a whole month but it was worth it!"

"I hate this noise," He made a slurping sound to make his point.

"I hate it when people say that birds sing. They don't sing!" Bakura argued. "They tweet and/or chirp! If I hear the Pharaoh's midget say: 'Oh! Look at the pretty bird sing, aibou!' one more time," he mimicked Yugi's voice as best as he could and exaggerating it a bit. "I swear! I'll shove that pretty bird down his throat."

"What else?" the thief questioned himself once he calmed down from his earlier rant. His eyes were cast down and he was biting the side of his left index finger in thought. He looked up again, this time complete annoyance was evident on his face. "I hate the word 'ship'."

"I hate the word 'friend'," he shivered, clearly disgusted. "I really hate that word."

"If you say the word 'Friendship'," he pointed at the camera accusingly, "I couldn't hate you more!"

The video cut to Bakura laying down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. "What about Pharaohs? I'll give you a hint," he paused. "HATE! They think they are all mighty because they are considered Gods on earth. Well, news flash! You're not! You are human beings!" he flailed his arms around in frustration. "You are not immortal! Most definitely, you are not divine! We will not build you a monument for the glory of your name!" he bolted up and glared at the camera. "I'm talking about you, you pompous Pharaoh!"

"I hate blondes."

The recording once again jumped, showing Bakura wearing a blonde wig, his face too close to the camera. Where he got that? We don't know. He twirled a few strands of the blonde hair around his fingers, his eyes looking shifting its gaze every two seconds like an insane person, batting his eyelashes once in a while making him look insaner (if that was even a word) and in a high-pitched feminine voice, he said, "Look at me! I like to go shopping, like every day and my hobby is to make fun of other people's looks to make myself feel better, 'coz I'm a racist like that. In addition to that, I'm like the most popular girl in school! That's right, bitches! Blondes do have more fun, so suck it up!" he snapped his fingers in every direction possible, moving his head side to side in each switch and pouting his lips.

The video skipped to Bakura sitting crossed legged on his bed. The blonde wig was already rid of and a look of satisfaction was on his face. "Yeah, each one of them is like that." Then he frowned, "Don't tell me that I exaggerated it!"

"BAKURA!" Ryou's voice was faintly heard in the video.

Bakura groaned and shouted back, "WHAT?!"

"TIME TO GO!" Ryou replied.

Bakura rolled his eyes and turned back to his invisible audience. "Well, that's it for now. I could have listed a hundred more of the things I hate but this will have to do. Now, get lost!" Bakura took the remote again in his hand and ended the video, making the screen become pitch black.

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**Author's Note: **Again I remind you that these are jokes. ^-^ If it got you mad then I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. :) I'm not bashing alright? I wrote this as Bakura and not as Therese. Therese likes blondes :) And Bakura practically hates everything :) So I think he'll probably hate Minecraft.

I might do another one but who knows? That's why it's marked as "Complete". Review, so I can know if I offended somebody and what you thought of it

Toodles ;)


	2. Dragons, the Throne and Tristan?

Bakura sat down on the plush elegant blood red chair in front of the camera once he was sure that it was recording.

The chair look like a modern throne for the former king of thieves. The chair's wood was made from oak and varnished in an ash black color to add to its gothic look and the blood red cushion of the chair has gold embroided swirls on it. His surrounding has a different feel to it as well, it looked more depressing because of the faded bronze walls with intricate carvings. Lined up on that wall were different paintings of the most depressing events of the world. On the right side of the chair was a neon red side table, which was the only object in the scene that actually doesn't look depressing. On top of that table was a bottle of coca-cola that was half way empty.

Our favorite thief took a swig of the bottled drink before speaking in a bored tone, "Hey," he burped before continuing. "Welcome to my hating corner and here is another Stuff that I hate video. Look! I even made a pretty sign."

Bakura set the bottle back where it was sitting on the side table and took a yellow square cardboard from in between the chair and table. The said sign said "Stuff that I hate" in red-brownish ink. "That's red ink as far as you know." he wiggled the sign with a small smirk on his face mimicking a farm-boy accent. "Ain't it perty?"

"I was happy that a few of you morons loved this little segment of mine," he explained while putting the sign aside. "So I decided to make another one. Not the reaction that I wanted but hey! Who doesn't like a little attention?"

He pulled his legs up and sat crossed leg, his arms hugging his thighs and legs. "I'm going to start with the blue eyes white dragon." he started, "Hate them. All four in existence! Not because Kaiba owns them. Oh no. It's because they look like big white pe-"

The video was cut to the thief with a red hand mark on his face. "Ryou was listening in and stormed in to stop the recording before I could say the p-word." Bakura cursed his little light. "Forget about that, lets just continue."

"I hate the red eyes black dragon." he said while getting the bottle of coke again.

"I hate dragons in general." he took a sip of his drink.

The white haired teen snapped his fingers as another thing he hated pops up. "I hate squealing," he took another swig of the carbonated drink, "It hurt my ears. So, if you are a fan girl of mine-" he pointed at the camera. "-don't squeal! My fan girls don't squeal! They scream!" he leaned to the camera, eyes narrow and a smirk on his lips. "And I _love _screaming."

"You know what I feel about people who wear jackets over long-sleeved shirts on a bright and sunny day?" he placed the drink back on the red table before running his hand through his hair, "Here's a hint: HATRED! I mean, is it too cold for you or you're just a moron? It's either you wear a long-sleeved shirt or a sleeveless shirt under a jacket. If you wear them at the same time then you wouldn't mind me HATING YOU!" he sank back on his chair to cool down from his rant, face red from anger.

"Also," Bakura changed his sitting position. Now his back was resting on the right arm of the chair while his legs were dangling off the left. "People who either pout their lips or bites their bottom lip when dancing because they think they look sexy."

Bakura stood behind the chair and started dancing awkwardly. Every once in a while he bites his bottom lip or pouts. He sat back down and leaned towards the camera, hands linked together and his elbows resting on his lap to help him support his weight. "See? So don't do it. Why, you ask? One: because it looks like a snake crawled up your ass and two: I HATE IT!"

Suddenly, a terrified looking Tristan was sitting beside Bakura who was staring at him with a bored expression. The white haired thief took a sip of his coke, before saying in a very bored tone, "I hate you."

Bakura was once again alone on his throne. It was clear on his face that the next thing he was about to say irks him. "I hate it when you line up at a fast food restaurant and the person in front of you takes FOREVER to buy his food, you know why? BECAUSE HE CAN'T DECIDE ON WHAT TO ORDER!" he shouted the last part that it sounded like thunder was booming in the background after he finished his sentence. "Come on! If you haven't decided what to buy then get out of the line! Some of us are starving to death! What will you do if we die because of hunger, huh? NOTHING!"

Bakura then snapped his fingers, sitting back up. "I hate it when the damned Pharaoh always draws the card he needs when he was about to lose." he grabbed his drink again and drank the remainder of it. "I swear, sometimes I think the bastard is cheating every single time! It's not possible for him to have the card on his last turn and defend himself with the heart of the cards speech!"

"I hate the heart of the cards" he added as he set down the empty bottle on the table.

"I hate people who laughs like this," then he mimicked the rich baritone laugh of his life-long enemy, throwing his head back to exaggerate how annoying it was.

Tristan was once again beside him, just waiting for the albino to strangle him. But he was shocked at what his soon-to-be-murderer requested. "I want to see you dance," both of them turned to the camera, Bakura with a small smirk on his face and Tristan with a confused expression.

Just then, the video jumped to Tristan dancing to an up-beat tune. His moves where clumsy and he was biting his lip and pouts when he feels like it. Even winking at the camera once or twice.

Once again, Bakura was alone on his chair, the terrifying sight of Tristan dancing was over. The thief has a smirk on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. "I knew it," he leaned to the camera again. "And I hate it." Then he reach for the stop button of the camera.

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**I've finished this 2 months ago and didn't post it because I told myself that I won't update this until I update "I'm Here" which is my other fanfic that I'm currently writing. **

**BUT! Due to the fact that I almost lost this file, I posted it now before it's too late :( It was a clear sign that I should post it. **

**Tell me what you think :) Toodles! **


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